The Sandlot Quotations

The Sandlot is a 1993 film about a boy who moves to a new neighborhood right before the end of 5th grade. After meeting some new boys at the local sandlot, he is eventually accepted into their group of baseball-loving friends. When he unknowingly brings a baseball signed by Babe Ruth to the field to play with, he gets them into "the biggest pickle any of them had ever seen."

Directed by David M. Evans. Written by Robert Gunter.

The adventure of a lifetime, the summer of their dreams...the dog of their nightmares. taglines

Scotty Smalls (Narrator)

[voiceover] We all lived in the neighborhood for a couple of more years-mostly through junior high school-and every summer was great. But none of them ever came close to that first one. When one guy would move away, we never replaced him on the team with anyone else. We just kept the game going like he was still there.
[voiceover] Michael "Squints" Palledorous walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the CRAP out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million years even for a million dollars have the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over at Squints, and smiled.

The Babe

Let me tell you something kid, everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either 'cause they're too scared, or because they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes. This is your big chance, and you shouldn't let it go by...
Remember, kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong.

Dialogue

Benny: Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun you would've caught that ball. You ever have a paper route?

Smalls: I helped a guy once.

Benny: Okay, well chuck it like you throw paper. When your arm gets here, just let go. Just let go, it’s that easy.

[starts to jog away]

Smalls: How do I catch it?

Benny: Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. I'll take care of it.

Ham Porter: Hey, you want a s'more?

Smalls: Some more of what?

Ham Porter: No, do you want a s'more?

Smalls: I haven't had anything yet... so how can I have some more of nothing?

Ham Porter: You're killing me, Smalls! These are s'mores stuff. Okay, pay attention. First you take the graham. You stick the chocolate on the graham. Then, you roast the mallow. When the mallow's flaming, you stick it on the chocolate. Then you cover it with the other end. Then, you stuff.

Phillips: It's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.

Benny: Shut your mouth, Phillips!

Ham Porter: What'd you say, crap face?

Phillips: I said, you shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.

Ham Porter: Come on! We'll take you on, right here! Right now! Come on!

Sandlot Kids: Yeah!

Phillips: We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.

Ham Porter: Watch it, jerk!

Phillips: Shut up, idiot!

Ham Porter: Moron!

Phillips: Scab eater!

Ham Porter: Butt sniffer!

Phillips: Pus licker!

Ham Porter: Fart smeller!

Bertram: [sniffs] Ahh.

Phillips: You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!

Ham Porter: You eat your wienies with your mama's toe jam!

Sandlot Kids: Yeah!

Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!

Ham Porter: You play ball like a girl!

[entire group stands in shocked silence]

Phillips: What did you say?

Ham Porter: You heard me.

Phillips: Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.

Ham Porter: Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!

Kids: Yeah!

Ham Porter: PLAY BALL! Hurry up, batter. This better be a short game, I gotta get home for lunch.

[Pitcher pitches and the batter fails to even swing]

Ham Porter: Haha, that's one.

[cuts to new pitch]

Ham Porter: [to the batter] You know, if my dog was as ugly as you. I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards.

[cuts to new pitch]

Ham Porter: Here it comes, it's coming, I tell ya. STRIKE THREE

[Porter puts the batter off, he swings and misses]

Ham Porter: YOU'RE OUT!

[cuts to new pitch]

Ham Porter: Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked?

Phillips: [swings and misses again] SHUT UP PORTER!

Ham Porter: Hey, hey, hey, I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation, come on. [two seconds later] Think she'll go out with me?

Squints: Where did your old man get that ball?

Smalls: I don't know. Some lady gave it to him. She even signed her name on it... Ruth. Baby Ruth.

All: BABE RUTH?

Smalls: I was gonna put the ball back.

Squints: But it was signed by Babe Ruth!

Smalls: Yeah, you keep telling me that! Who is she?

Ham Porter: WHAT? WHAT?

Kenny: The sultan of swat!

Bertram: The king of crash!

Timmy: The colossus of clout!

Tommy: The colossus of clout!

All: BABE RUTH!

Ham Porter: THE GREAT BAMBINO!

Smalls: Oh my god! You mean that's the same guy?

Taglines

The adventure of a lifetime, the summer of their dreams...the dog of their nightmares.

They're more than a team. They're the best buddies in the entire history of the world.

A piece of paradise a half block wide and a whole summer long.

You're killing me, Smalls !

Cast

Tom Guiry - Scotty Smalls
Mike Vitar - Benny Rodriguez
Marty York - Alan 'Yeah-Yeah' McClennan
Patrick Renna - Hamilton 'Ham' Porter
Chauncey Leopardi - Michael 'Squints' Palladorous
Brandon Quintin Adams - Kenny DeNunez
Grant Gelt - Bertram Grover Weeks
Shane Obedzinski - Tommy 'Repeat' Timmons
Victor DiMattia - Timmy Timmons
Denis Leary - Bill
Karen Allen - Scotty's Mom
James Earl Jones - Mr. Mertle
Marley Shelton - Wendy Peffercorn
Wil Horneff - Phillips
Pablo P. Vitar - Older Benny
Art La Fleur - Babe Ruth

Quoternity