Treehouse of Horror XIII Quotations

Send in the Clones

Hammock Peddler: The price is ten dollars. But, I must warn you, this is no ordinary hammock. Its webbing is a mesh of comfort...and evil.
Homer: You had me at "comfort"!

Homer: Mister Hammock, say hello to Madame Ass.

Ned: Say, Homer, I was, uh, I was wondering if I could borrow that chain saw you, uh, stole from me?
Homer: Yeah, but you have to leave a credit card.

Lisa: Dad, is there something you'd like to tell us about this horde?
Homer: You'd think so, but no.
Marge: They look like you, they were rude to Patty and Selma, and the horde has been described as very gassy.
Homer: Yeah, it's a good group.

Homer: Hey, I think this could be a magic hammock!
Homer and Homer clone: Why, you little!
(both Homers attack each other)
Homer: Man, are we evenly matched.
Homer clone: Me concur.
Old style Homer clone: Let's all go out for frosty chocolate milkshakes!
Homer: It would take three clones to beat the original Homer! (the three clones begin thinking) Uh, I mean four! (the three clones are let down)
Lisa: I know exactly what we should do!
General: Thank God! (to General Buck Turgidson from Dr. Strangelove) And you said we shouldn't let little girls in the war room.
General Turgidson: Look! I was wrong, okay?!
Homer: Before I abandon you here, does anyone know the way home?
Clone: I do.
Homer: (shoots clone with shotgun) Anybody else? (shoots another clone) Anybody else? Come on. (clone raises hand...BOOM!) audio clip
Kent: Like comedy clubs in the late '80s, these ravenous clones are everywhere. They have destroyed every building in town...except Moe's Tavern, which is reporting record business.
(cut to Moe's which has a very long line of clones and is very crowded inside)
Moe: Now, who's gonna be picking up the tab?
Homer clones: Lenny!
Lenny: Anything for Homers!

Marge lifts up Homer's pajama shirt and sees that he doesn’t have a navel, just like all the other clones.

Marge: (Gasp), you’re a clone?!
Clone Homer: yep.
Marge: but where’s Homer?
Clone Homer: first one off cliff.
Marge: my Homie is dead?! How will I go on?!
Clone Homer: you like back rub? (Begins to rub Marge’s back.)
Marge: Oh well. (She closes her eyes and enjoys the back rub.)
Grandpa: Then after World War 2, it got kind of quiet. Until Superman challenged FDR to a race around the world. FDR beat them by a furlong. Or so the comic books would have you believe. The truth lies somewhere in between :snores: audio clip
Marge: They look like you, they were rude to Patty and Selma, and the hoard has been described as very gassy...
Homer: Yeah, it's a good group. audio clip
Lisa:Is it just me or does dad seem stupider than usual?

(Clone hits the car with a bat.)

The Fright to Creep and Scare Harms

William Bonney (Billy the Kid) and his evil gang of undead henchmen have risen from the ground.
Billy: Now I'd like you to meet the hole-in-the-ground gang!
Townspeople: [Gasp]
Billy: Frank an' Jesse James!
Townspeople: [Gasp]
Billy:...the Sundance Kid!
Townspeople: [Gasp]
Comic Book Guy: What happened to Butch Cassidy?
The Sundance Kid: (imitating) What happened to Butch Cassidy? We're not joined at the hip, you know!
Billy: And the most evil German of all time... Kaiser Wilhelm!
Townspeople: [Mutterings of "Who?"]
Frank: He ain't no cowboy!
Wilhelm: Sure I am! [stops to think]...uh .. yippy wippy, wippy!
Frank James: OK, he's in!
William Bonney: Now we can rob the bank, give the money to the poor, rob the poor, and shoot the money! audio clip
William Bonney: (To Bart) Sing us a song about cattle rustling and you (To Lisa) sing us a song about, um, robbin' banks!!
Bonney: Play us some pianee!
Homer launches into Fur Elise
Bonney: That's pian-o. I said pian-ee!!! Homer panics and plays a hoe down
Prof. Frink: (after Homer takes his time machine) Oh for flaven out loud, I hope he doesn't do anything to ruin the space-time continuum. That's all... (notices his right hand has become a hand mixer) Oh dear.

The Island of Dr. Hibbert

Kang: (looking at the skull shaped Island of Lost Souls) Look at that island! Shaped like our number four!
Kodos: Makes you think.

(Note: Perhaps coincidentally, in Chinese, the number "four" and "death" have similar pronunciations, just with a different inflection, and thus, the number is unlucky by association. It is also unlucky in Japanese, in which "four" and "death" are pronounced exactly the same, and thus "four" was given a second way of saying it ('yon' instead of 'shi')

Dr. Hibbert: Willy, help them with their bags.
Grondskeeper Willy: (as a shaggy dog) Grrr...
Dr Hibbert: Now he may try to slobber on your crotch.
Homer: Heh! I've been around Scotsmen! audio clip (only the end of the clip)
Ned Cow: Milk...me...!
Homer: (on Ned) In the jungle, the creepy jungle, Homer rides a freak..! audio clip
Bart: (as a spider) Hey, Dad! Check it out!
(Bart writes "EAT MY SHORTS" with the spider web.)
Homer: Eat... my... SHORTS! Why, you little!
Lisa: (as an Eagle) (defensively) We were just playing.
Homer: What game?
Lisa: (sheepishly) Let's eat Maggie...?
Homer: Man-imals! Invertabroads! We must fight back against the man who did this to you!
Sea Captain-gator: Arr! The half-man, half-gorilla speaks the truth!
Comic Book Guy: Here me, accursed brethren! I have noticed that many of you are still wearing tattered pants! Please throw them on the bonfire and embrace your animal essence!
Chief Piggum: Okay, but I'm keeping the tattered vest! I still have my dignity! Hey slops! (kneels down and begins eating) Oooh, a toenail! audio clip
Lisa Eagle: So, what's it like being a walrus, Dad?
Homer Walrus: It's great! I haven't been this skinny since high school.

Quoternity