Vanguard Bandits

The following are quotes from the game Vanguard Bandits, a turn-based strategy RPG released for the PS1 in 2000.

Conversational Quotes

Various

• Bastion: I wouldn't give you a bucket of spit if you burst into flame!

• Sadira: I have sand in places sand is most defintely not to be!

• Rayna: Hang on, I'll just feel up these guards. Aha! It's a little smaller than usual, but here it is! The key to the cell door! A bit easier than trying to squeeze through those bars!

• Kyu-Kyu: Kyu!

• Barlow: Andrew just told me what feels like warm apple pie! You wouldn't believe what!

• Devlin: Let me ask you an honest question; Do you think I'm so good looking I intimidate women?

• Devlin: Did you hear Andrew talking about all the women he's loved? I would gladly love half as many!

• Andrew: I will never die in combat, Bastion. I don't want to bring that much grief to the women of the continent...

• Barlow: Andrew just told me about something that's just like warm apple pie, and you wouldn't believe what it is!

• Sadira: I think Zulwarn's spell scrambled all three of your brain cells, Claire!

• After several women declare their love of Bastion

Dyverre: You seem very popular, Prince Bastion.

Bastion: It's as much a blessing as a curse. Damn these oversized eyes!

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Outiside Elize Town

• Imperial Soldier 1: Identify yourself or be destroyed! That's a kingdom ATAC, isn't it?

Devlin: Hmmm? That was strange. I thought I heard an extremely effeminate voice calling out to me. Maybe this part of the continent is populated with fairies!

Imperial Soldier 1: What?! Cease your stupidity and tell us who you are before we knock you senseless!

Devlin: Oh, Imperial soldiers! How cute! Not that I'm an expert, but aren't you two standing unusually close to each other?

Imperial Soldier 1: Actually, we both just graduated from the Imperial Academy. Do you think we're standing too close?

Devlin: I think you're in just the right place... For me to POOP ON! Heh heh heh!

Imperial Soldier 2: The bastard's mocking us!

Devlin: Did I make you angry? I'm amazed you have a large enough intellect to understand my insults at all!

Imperial Soldier 1: You just doomed yourself to death with that comment, you fool!

Devlin: Oh really? Let's see if you know how to pilot those ATACs, rookies!

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Final Battle Sequence

• Bastion : Faulkner! What can you possibly hope to accomplish using Zulwarn's black power?
  

Faulkner : It's quite simply, actually! I desire all humanity to bow before me!

Bastion : I will not allow that to happen if it's within my power.

Faulkner : You see, the county in which I was born was ruined by the Empire! ...Or so I thought, until I learned the Kingdom had commited that heinous act. That revelation drove me to slip into the Empire. Now that I've seen the atrocities on both sides, I will destroy the Kingdom and the Empire!

Bastion : But Faulkner, there's no need to involve innocent people in your revenge! You seek to destroy the Kingdom and Empire. But don't you see? You're repeating the same mistakes you witnessed!

Faulkner : Hah! That's some point. The weak ought to be trampled by the strong. It's inevitable!

Bastion : Just forgive and forget! Let it go, Faulkner!

Faulkner : (cough) It's not a matter of forgiving or forgetting, Prince Charming! This is harsh reality! (gasp) My reality! Hahahahahah!

• Faulkner : My power over the Continent shall grow resolute! No-one shall hold sway upon me again!
  

Bastion : You're wrong, Faulkner. Zulwarn will own your soul!

• Bastion : You had a choice! Choosing to visit pain upon innocents was the wrong one! They knew nothing of your past! And besides, even if you do make them suffer, their pain won't heal the pain you feel over your lost loved ones. Can't you see that? Your quest for absolute domination won't fill the void in your soul.
  

Faulkner : Enough speech, boy! Your words cannot save you from defeat in battle!

• Bastion : I cannot let you win, Faulkner. For the sake of my nation...for the sake of my friends...and for my sake - you shall be stopped.
  

Faulkner : Enough babbling! Zulwarn longs for new blood! Stand and perish!

Bastion : I will defeat you for the honor of all those who have perished to stop you!

Faulkner : Hah! Dream on, whelp.

• Bastion : You'll never win, Faulkner.

• Faulkner : The time has come to end this cheap charade!

• Bastion : Goodbye, Faulkner! I pity you!
  

Faulkner : What the - this is impossible! His power is breaking through...(scream of pain)

• Faulkner : It's over...everything is...everything I am!...is over...

• Bastion : (sigh) Faulkner...

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Battle Dialogues

• Andrew : I hear you're quite a tomboy, Sadira. Do you like to play rough?
  Sadira : That's right! I like it when it's rough and dirty!
  Andrew : If you weren't dangerously underage, I'd propose right here and now.

• Bastion : Why did you betray me, Cecilia? Why did you betray US?!
  Cecilia : I was only doing my job, Bastion. This is not betrayal. It is fulfilling my duty to my employer.
  Bastion : No, Cecilia! You learned to care about us, and I guarantee that wasn't part of your duty to Faulkner!
  Cecilia : Bastion...It's too late for me now.
  Bastion : Cecilia!

• Sadira : You've slaughtered so many innocent people, Faulkner. You've even taken the lives of your own countrymen. But the only life to be claimed today will be your own!
  Faulkner : Is that so?
  Sadira : Indeed, Faulkner! And I shall be the one to claim it!
  Faulkner : I have grown tired of your empty threats, Sadira, which means it is time for you to DIE!

Andrew

• Hello, hello.
• Can I see some more, enthusiasm, please?
• Please! Can't you attack any faster than that?
• I'm so good at this, I even amaze myself!
• You are just so bad at this combat thing!
• I'm here to make your death wish come true!
• I'm here to fight. You're here to lose.
• Congratulations! You actually hit me!
• You are quite sucky at this combat thing.
• You couldn't hit the broadside of a castle!
• WHAT?! You dodged my attack? How?!
• Another victory for the Andrew-nator!
• I came, I saw, and I whooped your butt.
• Here I come - what? I won already? Jeez.
• So when did I start to suck so hard?
• Oh, the burning! The itching! The swelling!
• Utter humiliation for the Andrew-nator!

Barlow

• Was that a fly, or was that you?
• What more can I say! You SUCK!
• See that, guys? I'm a big, strong soldier!
• Victory is even better than candy!
• You chipped my lollipop! You DIE!
• It hurts me so bad! I want my mommy!

Claire

• Fear my P.M.S.!
• I like to hurt you!
• I am TOTALLY mad!
• You are SO not worth my time!
• Like, take THIS!
• I've felt more pain waxing my legs!
• Don't you know the don't-hit-girls rule?!
• I'm gonna have my daddy beat you up!
• That was totally fun! So, like, who's next?
• My daddy is gonna get revenge for me!

Faulkner

• Your stealth needs some improvement!
• You cannot surprise me, dimwit!
• You think yourself clever, twit?!
• Your miserable life ends today.
• Your blood will flow freely!
• You are well and truly pathetic.
• Why don't you learn to fight?
• Is that all you have to offer me? Hah!
• A wasted effort.
• How very weak.
• So very feeble.
• I'm not afraid of you, infidel. Not at all.
• I relish the pain.
• Hit me harder, fool! I demand it!
• I embrace my bitter defeat!

Sadira

• You're the worst I've ever fought.
• You tricked me!
• I win again! Hip, hip, hooray!
• I was just too tough for you!

Zakov

• You are completely unprepared for dhis!
• I vill now sacrifice you to dhe god of war!
• Go to hell, and take your ATAC vith you!
• Vas dhat supposed to hurt me?
• I vill not show you such mercy, fool!
• Dhis is not goot! Dhis is vewy bad!

Imperial

• Oh, you will PERISH!
• You won't beat me with THAT!
• The pain! The pain!
• Oh, you will hurt -- and you will bleed!
• I think I just wet myself.
• Damn you to hell!
• I beat you, scum! Who's the man!
• I submit to your superior skill!

Bodyguard

• Savour my flavor!
• The Junaris Empire is your master!
• I SPIT ON YOU!
• CURSE YOU!