Xiaolin Showdown Quotations

Xiaolin Showdown is an animated television show about a young Xiaolin monk named Omi with a giant yellow head who leads a trio of other students to collect powerful items known as Shen Gong Wu while battling the evil Jack Spicer who is also after the artifacts.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles

Omi: What is that? Is it magic?

Kimiko: It's a PDA. I'm sending a message to my friend in Tokyo.

Omi: A secret message?

Kimiko: Nah. I'm just telling her I met a very strange kid who apparently doesn't know about personal space issues.

Omi: Who is he? Is it that guy?

Clay: Not me, fellow.

Raimundo: It's you, chrome dome.

Omi: [walking on two fingers] The key is balance. If you are beginners, you may want to start with 3 fingers.

Clay: Uh, when will we need this?

Raimundo: [Yawns] Try never.

Omi: (Cries) My little friend has been taken by the dark forces of evil!!! Pochi, can you hear me? Follow the sound of my voice!

Wuya: You cannot rule the planet yet! You have only one Sheng Gong Wu.

Jack Spicer: How many are there?

Wuya: Hundreds!

Jack Spicer: WHAT?!?!

Omi: Honour the power of the off-switch.

Like a Rock!

Omi: I foolishly and shamefully lost a quarter second on the sandbags. As you might say, I smell bad.

Raimundo: I stink, not I smell bad.

Omi: I stink?

Raimundo: Yeah, and you smell bad, too. *laughs*

Jack: Look at me! I can juggle! (Uses Third Arm Sash to juggle with salt and pepper pots)

Jack: First order of business when I rule the world: vaporize all mimes.

Jack: OK, clown, you're toast!

Clay: (watching Raimundo mime actions) You...
Dojo: Raimundo! Good start.(after Rai's mime) That's a hiney, tocus, glutius maximus!
Clay: Butt?
Dojo: Right.
Dojo:(after Rai's mime)Kick!
Clay: Kick?
Dojo: You!
Clay: Me? Raimundo's gonna kick my... Hey!

Raimundo: [Imitating Clay's voice] It's... some... sort... of... in...vis...ib...le... box. Aye, took him long enough!
Kimiko: Move. (Shows a message on PDA).
Clay: Trapped by mime magic. Stop Jack, get Shen Gong Wu.
Dojo: Magic mime? They've always been obnoxious but now they're dangerous too?!

Dojo: Beat it, Frenchie!

Dojo: Warmer, you're getting warmer! Yeah, that Fist of Tebigong is so near! I can practically... (sees Le Mime) BRAKES!!

Clay: Everyone hates a mime. (reminiscing on the "moral of the story")

Raimundo: (after Omi unlocks Le Mime's box) Well, this is fun! Just us friends having a few laughs together...but where's our fourth friend, Mr. Clay? Oh, that's right... (Head enlarges)HE'S LOSING THE FIST OF TEBIGONG TO JACK SPICER!!! DID YOU GUYS FORGET THAT!???

Tangled Web

Dojo: (as a boat) Brrrrr! The water is cold. I'm telling ya, I don't know how my cousin Nessie stands living here. Mind you, I think she's just in it for the popularity. (puts on impressed voice) Hey look, it's the Loch Ness Monster!

Scottish voice: Hey look, it's the Loch Ness Monster!

Dojo: See?

Raimundo: You guys want to look through Kimiko's stuff?

Omi: Oh, yes. I've never looked through a girl's stuff before. This should be enlightening.

Omi: Yuck! This candy tastes most unpleasant!

Raimundo: That 'cause it's lipstick. (Fiddling with Kimiko's PDA. You hear a beeping noise)Oops! I think I deleted something!

Raimundo: (to Kimiko) You got it, monkey butt! (laughs)

Omi: (Gobsmacked) Girls have TAILS?!?

Katnappe!

Omi: Who is that?

Kimiko: And what's with the tacky costume?

Raimundo: Yo, girl. Seen a mirror lately? Oy!(as she elbows him)

Jack: (to Wuya) Hey, hey, don't insult them(his robots). They've got emotion-chips.

Clay: I will not, should not, and could not ever fight a girl.

Clay: Now, I can't fight girls, but technically, a bear hug ain't fighting.

Dojo: Could I sit this one out? Rollercoasters make me barf.

Shen Yi Bu

Kimiko: Raimundo's really down, Master Fung. He doesn't even want to play Goo Zombies 2.

Master Fung: Goo Zombies...2?

Kimiko: The sequel to Goo Zombies?

Master Fung: Ah, yes.

Master Fung: You weren't defeated by your opponent.

Raimundo: Oh, no! Would you like to see the impression of his boot on my butt?

Master Fung: Oh, that won't be necessary.

Master Fung: Remember, a drop of knowledge is more powerful than a sea of force

Raimundo: (sighs) Can't anyone speak normal around here?

Master Fung: Reflect on these things. As for me, I think I shall try my hand at 'Goo Zombies 2'

Chameleon

Raimundo: Nifty! I should've caught it at nifty!

Kimiko (Chameleon): Hunky Jack Spicer, I accept your challenge.

Jack: (whispers) Make it look good!

Kimiko (Chameleon): (nods) Third arm sash! (Swipes at Jack)

Jack: (screams, then ducks and comes back up) Not that good!

Kimiko (Chameleon): Well, I hope you got hit by lightning every day 'cause you look super-keen!

Kimiko (Chameleon): Proccessing... Proccessing...

Raimundo: (Handing Omi a piece of candy) Here, enjoy your tooth decay.

Ring of the Nine Dragons

Omi: Now remember, we must find the.. er... thinngie!

All the other Omi's: (scratching heads) Ooh yes, we must find, we have to find the thingie!

Jack: Any idea where we're going?

Wuya: No, but I could always glide through the walls, and peek ahead.

Jack: N-not a good idea.

Wuya: Why? You're not afraid of the dark, are you?

Raimundo: Oh, what now?

Dojo: Gimme a sec, it's been fifteen hundred years! (thinks for a moment) I was standing over here and then he walked.. oh right! he pushed that block there!

(Clay pushes the block)

Kimiko: Then what?

Dojo: Then Master Dashi said 'Aah.'

Raimundo: As in 'ah, I understand?'

Dojo: No, it was more like-

(floor collapses)

Everyone: AAAAHHHH!!!!

Night of the Sapphire Dragon

Dojo: Maybe I can be the dragon of...........FIRE!

Kimiko: Sorry, position's filled.

Dojo: Then how bout soot?

Raimundo: Soot? not impressive.

Dojo: And this is comin' from the wind guy? Ooh! How 'bout gas, huh? I eat a few cans o' beans and BAM! I'm in, baby!

Dojo: (as the Sapphire Dragon gets in his face) AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!! (high-pitched)

(after getting almost blasted by the sapphire dragon)

Raimundo: You think he'd be grateful we rescued him from the volcano.

My Homey Omi

Omi: AH! I am blinded!
Kimiko: Omi, the timer just ran out.

Raimundo: Aye-aye-aye! That boy's gonna get squish-ified!

Omi: But, I do not have a grill.

Jermaine: You're not from around here, are ya, Omi?
Omi: No. I am from the Xiaolin Temple.
Jermaine: Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Right, sure. Uh, that's in Queens, right?

Omi: Am I, as you say..."bling-blinging?"

Jack Spicer: Okay, got the Shen Gong Wu. Now, a little vaporizing of our enemies, and we'll call it a day.

Raimundo: [Runs and picks up Omi, hugging him.] Gasp! You're alive! Don't you ever scare us like that again! We were so worried, like... [Notices everyone staring and drops Omi, slightly blushing.] What? I was worried.

Omi: Name your challenge!

Jack Spicer: Basketball. One-on-one, ten minutes on the clock. My Jet Bootsu against your Mantis Flip Coin.

Omi: But...I do not know how to play this game of baskets and balls.
'
Jermaine: I do. Put me in the game.
Clay: Who's this guy?
Kimiko: No clue.

Jack Spicer: No, no way! I challenged you, Omi. Not this kid.

Jermaine: Are you afraid of gettin' whupped, little boy?

Raimundo: Hey, I like this guy.

Jack Spicer: Yes! Call me Air Jack!

Wuya: Defense! Defense!

Omi: Jermaine, we are doing well. Perhaps I have obtained game!

Omi: We win! Say my name, Jack Spicer! Ohh, I have angry skills!

Omi: Peace on!
Raimundo: uh, peace out.
Omi: that too!

Big as Texas

Clay: (Surfacing) Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!

Jack: (Surfacing) Clay, I challenge you...Crud! Alright, you pick.

Clay: The star goes into a hay bale and whoever finds it, wins!

Jack: What is this, Xiaolin Hoedown? Could you be any more of a hick? Whatever, I accept.

Clay: My Serpent's Tail for your Orb of Tornami

Jack: Naah, the orb's getting old, how about...(checks list) the Sword of the Storm? I haven't used that to kick your butt!

Clay: And you ain't gonna this time, neither!

Daddy Bailey: Bessie, you been remodellin'?

Daddy Bailey: Clay, I reckon you've been a man longer than I realised

Jack: (To Wuya) How come we don't have a relationship like that?

Wuya: I'm not your mommy! Now pick up your toys Jackie, and let's go home.

Royal Rumble

Raimundo: (To Kimiko) You are complaining about him when you're on the cell phone 24-7? (Mimics Kimiko) Oh, no way! He said that? Oh, no way. What else did he say? Oh, no way, no way, no way!(Normal) And could you possibly download a more annoying ringtone? (Kimiko tries to answer, but her cellphone rings)

Katnappe: Hello operator, please connect me to a Miss Kimiko Toho.

Jack: Who ate the last pudding cup? I can't concentrate on upgrading my robots without pudding! Wuya!

Wuya: What?! You should be focused on gathering Shen Gong Wu! Not pudding!

Jack: What Shen Gong Wu? You haven't sensed any in weeks! Probably been too busy scarfing down other people's pudding cups!

Wuya: (after flying through Jack's mouth) I'm ghostly! I don't eat.

Jack: Well technically you don't sweat either, but you still manage to put off some serious B.O., sister!

Wuya: I'm suprised you can smell anything, considering how often you have your little fingers up your nostrils! You'd think there was an entire vault of Shen Gong Wu up there-- Oh! I'm sensing a Shen Gong Wu!

Jack: *picking his nose* It's about time, woman!

Tubbimura: Someone mentioned there would be...pudding cups?

Kimiko: Omi, please tell Clay he's blocking my light.

Omi: Clay, I have a message from... (interrupted)

Clay: Omi, tell Kimiko that I'll cast my shadow wherever I darn well please. (Rai gets annoyed)

Omi: Kimiko, Clay responds... (interrupted again)

Kimiko: Tell Clay if maybe his shadow wasn't so fat and huge... (Rai gets more annoyed)

Omi: Clay, you... (interrupted)

Raimundo: Omi, tell Kimiko and Clay that they're both (head enlarges) GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!

Mala Mala Jong (Part 1 of Season 1 cliffhanger)

Wuya: Let me guess: you're downloading more of your rapid hippity-hop music?

Omi: Aha, success! My friends, may I present - a squirrel? [Runs around screaming.] AHHHHH! HELP! GET THIS DISEASE CARRYING VERMIN OFF OF ME!
Kimiko: Behold, the mighty Xiaolin Dragon of the Water.
Clay: Not his proudest moment, is it?

Raimundo: (Searching in a log for the Heart of Jong) Hello? *echoes* Hello? He-helloooo? Woah, sweet acoustics!

Omi: The Heart of Jong! Ohhh, I have jacked the hit pot!
Jack Spicer: That's "hit the jackpot." As in, Jackpot Spicer. That's my nickname, y'know.
Wuya: It is so not.
Jack Spicer: They don't need to know that!

Jack Spicer: Smell ya later, losers! [Tries to fly off but has his foot caught in a lasso.]
Clay: You'll smell us now, ya dirty snake!

Kimiko: Smell us now?

Raimundo: Clay's villain taunting - needs some serious work.

Omi: Oh yes. Squirrels are most fearsome opponents.

Wuya: At last, the Xiaolin Temple! Oh, let me savor the moment! [sighs, then grins at the viewer, breaking the fourth wall] Okay, let's crush them.

Farmer: Darn gophers.
Omi: [Comes out of the ground with the Serpent's Tail.] Missed! Pardon my intrusion. [Goes back underground.]
Farmer: Darn talkin' gophers. Mmmhmm.

In the Flesh (Part 2 of Season 1 cliffhanger)

Omi: But still, I am dumped in the downs.

Omi: Raimundo, I am starting to think you are not enacting some sort of secret elaborate plan.
Raimundo: Nothin' escapes you, Omi.
Omi: Not even you!
Raimundo: Wrong.

Dojo: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! Put a pad lock on this thing!

Raimundo: You ready?
Wuya: I've waited fifteen hundred years for this moment!
Raimundo: So that's a yes?
Wuya: Yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!

Days Past (Part 3 of Season 1 cliffhanger)

Omi: We must not despair, my friends. There is always a path to victory!
[Wuya's castle comes up out of the ground.]
Omi: Okay...Now you may despair.

Clay: Why would Jack, Evil Boy Genius, want Wuya, Evil Witch Hag, defeated?
Omi: [Hugs Jack.] Because Jack has finally rejected the ways of evil!
Jack Spicer: [Pushes him away.]I'm still evil right down to my greedy black heart.
Omi: Okay, then count me among the confused!

Jack Spicer: Really? You've got nothing? All this time I thought you were amazing Xiaolin geniuses, but you're just as lame as I am! [Laughs then stops.] Wait, that didn't come out right.

Clay: What you did to my hat, Jack, well...it just ain't right.
Jack Spicer: Stop whining. You're lucky I had a light breakfast.

Dojo: Well, okay, I know this is a bit of a stretch, but what if we dumped a bucket of glue over her?
Kimiko: Glue? That's going to stop her global reign of evil?
Dojo: I'm talkin' a really big bucket of glue!

Kimiko: You are so over-using the word "evil!"
Jack Spicer: Hey, I'm trying to build a brand here!

Jack Spicer: Ugh, how to explain the intricacies of manufactured temporal distortion to a simpleton cowboy? Ah! [Exaggeratedly slow tone.] Time ma-chine need much power to work. Way more power than Jack can gen-er-ate. [Normal.] Did'ja get that?
Clay: [Exaggeratedly slow tone.] Cowboy understand. [Normal.] So why can't you just use the Eye Of Dashi for power?
Omi: Of course! The Eye of Dashi has a limitless supply of energy!
Jack: Ah, yeah, which.. is what I was about to say until... you two interrupted me! Way more power than I can generate UNLESS I use the Eye of Dashi.

Dojo: You sure you wanna do this, Omi? Time travel is very dangerous. You could wind up..as your own grandpa!

Jack: The time machine is set to send you back 1500 years. I won't bore you with the exceedingly complicated calculations involved, but I should be able to land you right at the face of the Xiaolin Temple.
Omi: Good bye, my friends.
Dojo: Oh, and... tell Dashi I'm sorry about the shirt.
Omi: The shirt?
Dojo: He'll know.
Jack: OK, Kimiko, fire it up, baby!
Kimiko: Eye of Dashi! And don't call me baby.

Omi: I am most confused. If you were just going to give me the pebble, why make me go through the whole Showdown?
Dashi: Two reasons. One, it was funny.
Dojo: True.
Dashi: Two, to teach you something.

Kimiko: What do you mean you don't know how to get him back!?!?
Jack: Oops...

Citadel of Doom (Part 4 of Season 1 cliffhanger)

Kimiko: (With her head covering twice of the screen size) You sent Omi 1500 years onto the past without any idea how to get him back?!!!
Jack: Understand, it came out on the beta testing, I mean, I can only travel back 2 seconds!
Kimiko: You...You...YOU...! (Head keeps enlarging; after, she thinks of an insult)
Clay: Doofus?
Kimiko:(Head shrinks for a moment) Thank you.(Head enlarges)You doofus! You trapped Omi in the past forever!
Jack: Easy, easy! I can fix this! Give me a week tops.(Rock monster rises and destroys time machine. Then, Jack screams)OK, I'll need more than a week.

Dashi: Sorry, kid, but I don't have any time-travelling Shen Gong Wu.
Dojo:Not anymore.
Dashi: We had one.
Dojo: But we buried it at Egypt.
Dashi: Europe.
Dojo: Egypt.
Dashi: No, Europe!
Dojo: Don't you doubt me! I remember with exact precision where we hid each and every Shen Gong Wu.
Dashi:Ok, whatever! The point is we don't have it now.(Close Dojo's mouth) Europe.

Omi: Though I am still very c-cold. Does anybody have a blanket?
Kimiko: No, but how about a big warm hug, you clever little monk, you! [Hugs Omi.]
Omi: [blushes] That will do!

Omi:(gives the puzzle box to Jack) OK, open it.
Jack: (tries to open the box, fails.)
Omi: Stop fooling around and open the box!
Jack: I'm trying, it won't open!
Omi: You said you can open it!
Jack: I thought I could! This box must be different from the first one.
Omi:(trying to open the box) The box is supposed to open when the person who needs to most open it, opens it! AND I REALLY NEED TO OPEN IT!
Wuya: Would you like me to try?
Omi: Oh, thank you, that would be most... AAAAH!!!

Wuya: How like Dashi to give you the tool but not the knowledge of how to use it. He always was a fool. A smart dresser, but a fool.

Ghost Dashi: Whoa, Wuya! The years have not been kind.

Jack Spicer: Me? Fighting for good? In a bathrobe? Forget it. Next time we meet, we're enemies again. [Is about to fly off when Omi grabs his trenchcoat and gives him sad eyes.] But maybe some time, if we're not fighting over Shen Gong Wu, we can all go for ice cream. My treat.

Omi: Yes that would be most nice. We could get a Monday!

Clay: Sundae.

Omi: Even better!

The Shard of Lightning

Wuya: You didn't think I'd stay in that box forever, did you?

Omi: Well, another 1500 years would have been nice!

Omi: My pants! Oh, my shoes! A squirrel?....A SQUIRREL! AAAAUGH!

Clay: Hey, Dojo, I reckon it's time to check the Rulebook.

Dojo: (Reading the book) Here it is. It's called a Showdown Trio. Kinda obvious.

Omi: I would not count your ducks before they emerge from their shells!

Raimundo:...that one wasn't even close.

katnappe: great, now there's tw of 'em. another whiner.

jack and robo-jack: I am not a whiner!

katnappe: both of you, beat it!

jack and robo-jack: both of you, beat it!

ktnappe: hissss

jack and robo-jack:hissss

katnappe: stop that! you are so annoying!

jack and robo-jacl: stop that! you are so annoying!

The Crystal Glasses

Dojo: According to my tongue, which by the way is hairier than a wooly mammoth...

Wuya: [Talking to Omi] Soon you will be my greatest ally!
Jack: I'll even write your your own evil theme music! [dramatic music plays] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!
Omi: This is NOT right!

Pandatown

Dojo: You guys better stay close. This is the part of Hong Kong that Dashi never let me play in.
Raimundo: I'll lead the way. This place is like the bad side of Rio. It's my element.
Clay: Uh, no offense, Rai, but we've seen what you do with your element.

Omi: Do you think Raimundo could take the one on the south? He does look old and very out of shape.

Jack Spicer: All you want is Hong Kong!?! Can't I at least get double-crossed by somebody with some vision?

Pandabubba: What powers do we add to my collections?
Thug #1: We got some good ones, boss! The Stick of Throwing!
Thug #2: The Large Rock of Hitting!
Thug #1: The Shoes of Running Real Fast!

Raimundo: Jack! I challenge you to a -
Pandabubba: [Clears throat.] A Showdown Trio. [To Jack.]This was also on your cheat sheet.

Wuya: Forget it, Jack. What happens in Pandatown stays in Pandatown.

Omi: (After Raimundo uses Typhoon Boom) did you see that!? Raimundo's wind has broken...through!

Enter the Dragon

Dojo: Why is everyone staring at me like i'm some kind a freak? I AM NOT A FREAK!

Clay: Easy there, fellow! Nobody said anything... (To Raimundo) outloud.

Omi: Has Dojo ever gotten out of his box?

Master Fung: It's only happened once. It was the last time anyone saw... Atlantis.

Master Fung: However, one of you will have to remain behind to watch Dojo.

Omi: Master Fung is wise as always. Raimundo, you will remain behind. (Rai got angry)

Master Fung: No, Omi. You will be the one who stays.

Omi: Why should I remain behind and Raimundo go? (Behind, Rai looks at him with an angry face) It took him longest to become an apprentice and no one thought he would make it! (Raimundo clears throat) Uhh, I mean, except for me?

Master Fung:(Looking at the dark skies) It has already begun. A thousand years of darkness.

Kimiko: Why a thousand?

Master Fung: It is really 962 years, but, a thousand sounds more ominous.

Wuya: (Screaming loudly) Dojo's out!! It's the end of the world!!

Jack: (Operating controls) The Ju-Ju Flytrap is mine! And take it easy with the ear-splitting screams!

Wuya: We must hide where we can! (Hides inside Jack)

Jack: Boundaries, please! You know I don't like that!

Wuya: It's only a matter of time! We must prepare for Dojo!

Jack: So, what are you so afraid of? You don't even have a body! (Dojo appears)

(All Xiaolins, Jack and Wuya are inside Dojo)

Jack:Ahh! There's no way outta here! Except one, but I wouldn't recommend it without a wetsuit.

The Sands of Time

Omi: He who laughs most loudly laughs lastly.

Raimundo: What Omi did to that sentence is what we're going to do to you!

Dojo: Pyrimid in the garden same thing.

Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil

Jack: My rolling shield is complete. Now to test it. Jack-bots!... Jack-bots? Megan, I told you not to touch my stuff!

Megan: Shush! You are interrupting our tea party!

Jack-bot: Thank you, Lady Megan. (Receiving tea)

Raimundo: Come on, crew! Where's the Wu?

Dojo: Perfect. Every scale is greased with tan oil. Now all I gotta do is avoid the sand... (drops tan oil) Not good. (sandstorm strikes him) Hmm, this has Xiaolin Apprentices written all over it.

Clay: (Jack is reading Clay's mind) That Jack is slower than a three-legged cow in quicksand!

Jack: What!? I'm faster than any three-legged cow! (is hit by Omi)

Dreamscape

Jack: When hunting the elusive wu, one must be silent and stealthy (bangs toe) OOOOWWWW!!!! (Screams loudly, then covers up mouth)

Omi: It's a five, six, seven, uh..eight-way Xiaolin Showdown!

Kimiko: Is there such a thing?

Dojo: Ba-ba-ba, wait, wait, wait, oh, here it is. It's in the supplemental pages that came out on the last 200 years. Basically, it's four against four, each wagering one Shen Gong Wu.

Clay: Whooaaa, we'll need a wheel-barrow full of Wu for this showdown!

Omi: Then, we'll wager the Two-Ton Tunic, the Shroud of Shadows, Lotus Twister, and Silk Spitter, against the Serpent's Tail, the Eye of Dashi, Third Arm Sash and Fist of Tebigong.

Dojo: Slow down! I can't write that fast!

Master Monk Guan

Omi: Master Monk Guan, it is not the weapon...It is the warrior wielding the weapon.

The Evil Within

Clay(Sibini):It's good to be free again.

Omi:Ha. I have successfully exausted Clay Sibini now you must come out.

Clay:Nuttin much we played cards, I went to bed, now I'm back here again.

The Deep Freeze

Jack: Look at me! I'm the ruler of the moon. Watch! Look at its dance.

Wuya: Stop playing with the moon, Jack. It isn't a toy.

Omi: (Knocks off Rakhsha's arms) You have been, as they say, dis-armed!

Raksha: Raksha vant shen gong vu!!

Dude-bot: Just because we are mortal enemies,does that mean we can't be friends?

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back

Old-looking Jack: Foul!

Jack and Fat Jack: I didn't touch you!

Fat Jack: Did not... (they start fighting, old Jack also fights)

Wuya: Stop! The Ring of Nine Dragons is for creating evil, not for copying yourself for your own amusement, or picking your teeth! (While big headed Jack does so)

Raimundo: Dojo, dude, how come you didn't just fly?

Dojo: (With Clay's pants on head) Good idea. Just a little late.

Jack: Fearsome Four! I command you to...(thinks) laugh evilly! (they laugh) Now laugh evilly while... hopping on one leg! (they do so)

Wuya: Stop playing Jack!

Jack: In a minute. Now, laugh evilly while TAP DANCING! (the Fearsome Four dance and laugh as music plays in the background)

The Black Vipers

Jessie: I'm gonna get your shen-gong-warts!

Omi: (swinging on a rope) wu!

Jack Spicer: (After defeating the monks and the Black Vipers.) Say, who are all these people?

Jessie: We're the Black Vipers, the most elite all-girl gang to ever roam these wild plains.

Viper girl: And since you have defeated us, our law demands that you inherit leadership of the Black Vipers.

Jack: Yes... I guess this makes me QUEEN!

(Everybody stares.)

Jack: Uh... king.

Kimiko: yet another girl falls pray to the charm Jack Spicer.
Omi: but he-
Raimundo: sarcasm.
Omi: ohh.

Screams of the Siren

Jack Spicer: I'm an artist, I communicate with my feet.

Wuya: If I had feet I'd communicate all over you.

The Return of PandaBubba

Clay: Your daddy is Toshiro Tohomiko the video game tycoon!

Kimiko: Yup I can't wait to introduce you to him, he's super nice!

Raimundo: And super rich! [eyes turn into dollar symbols and you hear the cha-ching! sound] (says to kimiko) Did I ever tell you that you were my favorite monk?

Omi: But I thought I was your favorite! (gigantic sad face)

The Last Temptation of Raimundo

Raimundo: Sorry, but I think the Orb is defective.

Kimiko: I'm pretty sure something's defective, and it's not the Orb.

Jack: *snore*

Wuya: Jack!

Jack: *scream* Wuya! With you it's hard to tell if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one!

Wuya: Just fire the laser, Jack.

Wuya: The time has come! His body has lost all of its self will. Say goodbye to Raimundo, and hello to your empress of evil. (laughs)

Jack: Um, once you become Raimundo, are you a he or a she? (Wuya looks at him angrily) I just want to get my pronouns straight.

(Xiaolins arrive)

Omi: Not so fast! I demand that you release Raimundo at once!

Wuya: Jack, stop them!

Jack: My Jack-bots are in the shop for a tune-up.

Wuya: Oh, you wimp. Fine I'll handle this myself! (possesses Raimundo)

Wuya: Shroud of Shadows!

Kimiko: Hey! That's cheating! That wasn't one of the Shen Gong Wu wagered!

Wuya: You're fighting evil. What do you expect?

The Year of the Green Monkey

Jack: Yes! Wait till mom sees me now! [Thinks about getting a medal that says #1son]

Omi: Now I understand! Jack is only a puppy!
Raimundo: .....Puppet, I'm guessing.

The Demon Seed

Master Fung: When caring for plants as delicate as orchids, one must empoly a measure of discpiline.

Ramundo: Yeah, you need discpiline...just to stay awake. (yawns)

Omi: I believe mine is winning.

Clay: It's not a race, partner. But I think mine is ahead by a leaf.

Omi: No, this cannot be! Grow faster, orchid, faster!

Master Fung: Remember, a warrior must learn to control his patience before he controls himself.

Gigi: I'm what what you call a naughty plant!

Kimiko: C'mon, Rai, you're a Xiaolin Warrior and he's a...weed!!!

Raimundo: (to kimiko about master fung) I bet he writes these saying in the palm of his hand

kimko: hehehe

master fung: no raimundo, I write them inside my eyelids. that is why I blink so often. (starts blinking)

dojo: (comes out of rai's shirt) b-u-s-t-e-d oooh.

The New Order

Chase Young: You have learned well.

Omi: Well, I was taught by the best!

Chase Young: Thank you.

Omi: I was speaking of Master Fung!!

The Apprentice

Omi: Jack Spicer, you are always getting up in my busy-ness!

Clay: How do you manage to win every game?

Omi: That is most simple: I cheat (they all look at him) No, no, I am a liar when I say I cheat

Raimundo: How do we know that you're not lying to us now?

Omi: Because, you are all my friends, and I could never lie to my friends. (Laughs, knocking his head at the table) Ho ho ho, I have mastered deception! Let's play again!

Omi: I knew you would twice-cross me! So I twice-crossed you first!

Raimundo: That's double-crossed, but I think we get the idea.

Something Jermaine

Omi: (To Jack)I demand that you spill your internal organs now!!

Jack: (screams) What kind of sick people are you!?

Raimundo:I think he means spill your guts.

Jack: (whines) Its not fair, I saw Chase first, and now SHES the one with him!

Dangerous Minds

Wuya: Whoever possesses this tool can use it to undo mistakes like... (To Jack): ...RELEASING SPIDERS THAT WILL DESTROY THE WORLD!

Chase: Together, we will locate the Hodoku Mouse that you lost and undo the disaster that you created.

Dojo: (singing) I have a horse, his name is boo... shush we all live in the shoe HEHEHAHOO!

Omi: Dojo!

Dojo: Where am I? What year is it? How long have I been living like a rat in a hole?

Omi: Thity-five minutes.

Dojo: Hmm. Funny. Time moves a lot slower down here

Spider: You can kiss my egg sacks!

Master Fung: (While the Temple is collapsing) Remember, the fate of the world rests in your hands.

Raimundo: Is it me, or does the fate of the world rest in our hands a lot?

Omi: Kimiko! Raimundo! Clay! Are you alright?

Raimundo: Oh, not bad, except for that itch I can't reach... (Omi uses Golden Tiger Claws to reach Rai's itch)

Jack: What do you think the spiders are going to do to us?

Raimundo: Dude, we're in it's web. Take a guess..

Jack:......*understands suddenly* I DON'T WANT A SPIDER TO EAT ME!!!

Judging Omi (Part 1 of Season 2 cliffhanger)

Kimiko: I was hoping we would all rise together.

Omi: (looking sad) Aw, me too. (then looks happy) That is why I will work extra hard teaching you until that day comes when you too are ready to become Wudai Warriors.

Clay: Whoa, partner, and what makes you so sure YOU'RE the chosen one?
(Kimiko and Raimundo nod)

Omi: Is it not obvious? Who else is it going to be? Raimundo? (laughs)

(Raimundo's head turns red and inflates while his hair starts to burn. Clay removes his hat, revealing a glass of water and he pours it on Raimundo's head. Raimundo gives Clay a thumb-up.)

Omi: I am sorry, I was not laughing at you but with you.

Raimundo: I'm not laughing.

Kimiko: Here's a wild thought. Maybe it's me.

Omi: But you are a girl.

(...chaos...)

Raimundo: (looking at beat-up Omi) Nyay...

Kimiko: And your point?

Beat-up Omi: Nothing, I like girls. (passes out)

Saving Omi (Part 2 of Season 2 cliffhanger)

Dojo: Very interesting...(everybody looks at him)It says here that Alexander The Great had seven toes on one foot and three on the other.

Raimundo: What about Omi?

Dojo: Well, I'm pretty sure he has five on each. But I've never taken a closer look.

-

Chase Young:(scratches Omi's ears) Don't worry Omi, in time you too will learn to appreciate evil.

Omi-cat: (purrs, then stops and pulls away) I must warn you, that my purring should not be mistaken as a sign that I approve of your actions! (turns away, then looks nervous) I just happen to like having my ears scratched. (rushes back over and pushes his head against Chase's hand) Again, please?

Chase: (resumes scratching Omi's ears)

Omi: (purrs)

Heylin Omi: If only i did not have to sleep! Then i could fight 7/24!

Finding Omi (Part 3 of Season 2 cliffhanger)

Raimundo: Hey, what's going on? Why am I washing Chase's underwear?

Omi: That is correct, the Omi-cat has more lives than you can skin!

Chase Young and Omi [in unison]: Goat Biting Tail! Horse Skipping Pebble! Cat Playing Fiddle! Duck Flipping Burgers!
Omi: Sparrow Eating Hot-Dog!
Chase Young: [Surprised.] Sparrow Eating Hot-Dog?

Master Fung: That is correct. Only one would rise, but not until you worked together as one.
Dojo: I don't know about you, but I think he makes this stuff up as he goes along.

Bird of Paradise

Clay: She couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

bird of paradise: I have given you the greatest gift of all..

clay: farm equipment?

jack: (to leaf) you got me into this! DO SOMETHING!

leaf: (the leaf smacks jack)

The Life and Times of Hannibal Roy Bean

Kimiko: This hardly seems fair!

Hannibal: True. Maybe i should fight with my eyes closed.

raimundo: clay, you know about tractors, maybe you can fix the silver manta ray.

clay: oh, yeah sure rai, yeah. tractors and mystical flying machines are like two peas from the same pod.

Omi Town

Omi: MY LAST NAME IS CRUD?!'OMI CRUD!!!!!!!!!!

Omi : MONKEY READING SHAKESPEARE!! (plows field)

Raimundo: She's not your mom' She's a robot.

Omi: A ROBOT!! (makes a mad face)

Jack: HEY! they had me do it. They made me make all the robots.

Omi: What goes in circles goes the other way in circles.(they stare at Omi.)

Wuya: Somebody translate, I'll be up all night.

Clay: I'm guessing "what goes around comes around."

Wuya: Oh please. That wasn't even close.

Jack: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! TOUCH ME AND I'LL SCREAM!!!!!

Wuya: You did scream.

Jack: Then... I'LL SCREAM LOUDER!!!!!

Wuya: Never insult your elders - especially when they can kick your butt!

Treasure of the Blind Swordsman

Omi: What about the blind old man? We cannot just leave him here in this cave!

Guardian: What?!? I live in a cave?

Jack: What's a four-letter word for idiot?

Wuya: Jack.

Jack: Perfect!

Kimiko: Omi, are you OK?

Omi: I have a thousand needles on my backside! WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

Jack: What the-!? How'd you do that?

Guardian: There are more ways to see than just with your eyes!

Oil in the Family

Omi: Oh! So much criss-crossing! This proves there is truly no honor among theives!

Omi: We cannot just let Wuya and Jack get eaten by a big dinosuar!

Kimiko: You're right! someone should get a video camera!

Wuya: Now now T-Rex. eat the young monks, starting with the yummy looking little cheese ball.

Omi: I am no cheese ball! I am a xiaolin warrior!

Clay: Easy there partner, I think she's a little out of your weight class!

Clay: (to Dojo) Can't your speak to her? Your practically one of those critters!

Dojo: I BEG YOUR PARDON!!! She's prehistoric and that's offensive to dragons! Just because she speaks with a British accent doesn't make her smart! We breath fire, fly, chew with our mouths closed!!!

Omi: (to Wuya) The jig is down, you are at the top of your rope, spoon over that Wu! (very, very, VERY long pause and everyone is looking around at each other waiting for someone to say something then cuts to Jack with his finger on his chin thinking)

Jack: Oh, Oh I got it! The jig is up, you are at the end of your rope, fork over the Wu! (does a little victory dance and opens his jacket which has a ribbon that says "Boy Genius")

Wuya: Very good Jack, now for your prize... Ruby of Ramses! (Throws Jack around)

Jack: [His dinosaurs run away] Ingrates! they were nothing but little puddles of oil when I found them!

Clay: And that's what we're gonna turn you into, Jack! A little Puddle! *Squishes air repeatedly*

The Return Of Master Monk Guan

Master Monk Guan: You will do as I say, and never, EVER ask questions. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?

All: YES, MASTER MONK GUAN!

Master Monk Guan: Good. Now, any questions? (Raimundo raises hand) HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!? WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT QUESTIONS!?

Master Monk Guan: YOU LOOKIN AT ME, BOBO!?

Hannibal Roy Bean: Hmm...i've never seen this side of Monk Master Guan before. He reminds me of...ME! (Laughs evilly)

Omi: What wise saying do you have for us?

Master Fung: ...I have none.

Raimundo: C'mon, you can wip out one of those old cheesy sayings...(Master Fung makes an angry face)...that we all love.

Master Fung: I am afraid I am out of any 'cheesy sayings'.

Dojo: If you want I can give you your file. (Pulls out an extremely large folder of paper) (Master Fung makes another angry face) Not that you would need a file like that. (hides folder with a wide grin)

The Dream Stalker

Omi:Solution is most simple! Raimundo must never sleep again!

Omi: During my shift, I shall keep you awake with the most ancient training meathod known as... DODGE THE BUCKET OF ICE WATER! (Sleeping Raimundo jerks awake suddenly, and is doused by Omi's bucket of ice water.)

omi: no! raimundo cannot be responsible for the sapphire dragons attack! (looks at raimundo) WHY RAIMUNDO WHY?

Raimundo: You guys are one taco short of a combo plate on this one!

raimundo: (giant image of rai appears in the sky) Hi guys! we had a long day... need to catch some z's.. oh, this is my inner self. I couldn't have done it without him. I mean.. without me.

raimundo's inner self: anyway, sweet dreams! (waves)

kimiko, omi and clay: (waves back, dumbfounded)

Chucky Choo

Dojo: (to Chucky) You no good, dirty, rotten yo-yo thief!

Omi: (To the Xiaolin monks) Monks, double your efforts....Raimundo...Triple yours.

Wu Got The Power?

Jack: That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?

Hannibal: My guess, an extra chromosome.

Hannibal's Revenge

Hannibal Bean: That Chase has girly hair. A real warrior shaves his head, like me!

Chase Young: Hah! You could pour fertilizer on that head and NOTHING would grow!

Omi: I knew it. She is a girl, she had to be cheating!

Dojo: Actually, this very situation is covered in the Wu Training Manual under, "Too Bad, Sucker."

Hannibal Bean: Mm-mmm! There's nothin' so comfy as warm bottom feathers.

Raimundo: Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah. [Looks to the fourth wall.] Previously, on Xiaolin Showdown.

[All look at the fourth wall while grinning and giving a thumbs-up.]

Raimundo: [To Kimiko disguised as Jack.] Yeah, you go, girl! - Boy!

Chase Young: [To a disguised Kimiko.] You surprised me, Spicer. I'm rarely surprised, but never fooled. [Sniffs.] By the way, love the perfume.

Kimiko (disguised as Jack): [To Wuya]: Hit the road you, old witch!

Wuya: Jack, this is a side of you I've never seen before-and I like it.

Hannibal Bean: I see you've brought your kittens to do your fighting

Chase Young: [Refering to Wuya] And I see you've brought my housemaid to do yours.

Chase: (in thought) I put that Bean away before, and I can do it again!

Hannibal (having heard the thought) You corssed the wrong bean, when you cross Hannibal Roy Bean!

Time After Time Part 1

Dojo: I have TENS all around!

Omi: I suppose beating Jack in the most colorful manner is the tie-breaker!

[all grin evilly at Jack as they converge on him]

Jack: No, wait! You can't! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU?! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!

Omi: I fear I have ruined the future.

Old Master Fung: Remember this young monk, the future can always be changed.

Old Raimundo: Every once in a while, the old dude still spits out words of wisdom. But mostly he just spits.

Chase: (being buttered by a paint brush on his abs while water drips on his head) Nice to see you again Omi... I knew our paths would cross again.

Time After Time Part 2

Raimundo: So, we need to stop Omi from freezing himself into the future, so he won't go into the past, where he did what he did which resulted in what happened. Simple!

Master Fung: As I tod you, a leader would rise from the quest, and now... one has.

(Raimundo is lit up, and a black robe with a dragon on the sleeve and a red sash on him.)

Kimiko: Way to go, Rai!

Clay: You did it, pardner!

Raimundo: (has look of amazement) (Kimiko jumps into his arms and kisses him on the cheek) I-I don't know what to say. Except I never thought it would be me... (Kimiko and Clay give him a look) ...Well maybe a little.

(Raimundo then notices Omi standing behind Master Fung with a let down look on his face, however Omi comes out from behind Master Fung and sheds a few small tears... as from the moment Master Fung told Omi about the new students coming to the temple, Omi vowed to be a great leader. Omi, with tears in his eyes spreads a smile across his face. He and Raimundo bow down to each other at the same time. Master Fung, Dojo, and the chosen ones smile too. Then, an explosion outside the temple occurs.)

(Xiaolins notice that every single villain is there)

Master Fung: (to chosen ones, especialy Raimundo) Now that you have risen to Shoku Warrior your job has only begun. The survival of the world depends on you.

Dojo: Not too much pressure there...

(chosen ones run to confront the Heylins) All in Unison: HHAAIIIYYA!!!!!

Quoternity